Tug of War

by allisoncoyle

On any given day, I can feel inspired, determined, driven, sure of myself….and within an hour find myself scared, intimidated, doubtful, and paralyzed by uncertainty. What causes this internal paranoia? Because that’s just it…it’s all in my mind.

I’ve been fortunate enough over the past year to have had the chance to speak with many of my political idols who have given me career/life advice and have attempted to calm my fear of the future. Surprisingly, most of them seem to understand my concerns. They advise me that I’m not alone in my fear. They say that everyone is terrified at 20…some are just better at hiding it.

Unfortunately, I have yet to receive a satisfactory response to the question of how we find our niche or purpose in life. Perhaps the worst response, which I received from a highly intelligent opinion writer, was to have fun and let life take you along. I know that would ease the mind of a lemming, but that, quite frankly, is a completely vapid answer. 

How do people “drift” along, never wondering what their purpose is, what they were destined to do? I want nothing more than to calm my mind and distract myself from my own thoughts. 

I envy those who don’t find the need to question everything. I envy peace of mind. I envy happiness.

I’m hoping this internal tug of war will end soon. Something needs to change.